Isn’t it a gorgeous feeling when you feel that someone ‘gets’ you? As in, really seems to understand you, what’s going on in your head, your life, your heart?
Today was a particularly challenging day what with two niggly children, an errant dog, a collapsed wall, a 3 year-old’s birthday party to plan, my electricity getting cut off because my payment was one whole week late, Internet banking that won’t work for some reason… and have once again been sitting here pondering how very easy it is to just allow oneself to descend into a funk, and how very challenging it can be to keep consciously practicing all those wonderful yogic traits that we know we should be aspiring to and incorporating into our daily lives. I actually emailed The Band earlier (after being particularly revolting and grumpy to him) to apologise for my behaviour, and to try to express how I feel I’m letting not just him but myself down by not being able to practice what I preach all the time.
That in itself helped, in that it gave me pause to reflect on the fact that it has been a pretty full-on day (week) and was a reminder that the very first principle I should be employing here is ‘ahimsa’ – compassion, non-violence, the concept of doing no harm – in deeds as well as thoughts: not just towards the electricity provider or my dear but wayward dog or my beautiful, precious children, but specifically towards myself. Not seeing myself as a failure if I get stressed out when everything goes comprehensively pear-shaped, or feeling frustrated that I’m not managing to do as good a job at being a mum, a wife, a yoga instructor, a friend as I would like. It’s all about growing up I guess, and at least working towards who and how you would like to be, rather than wanting instant gratification and ‘success’, right here and now.
And then I stumbled upon a blog that made me feel even better because it’s so familiar, it was almost as if she had read my mind. Jessica Berger Goss writes for Yoga Journal and I so loved her latest post that I have copied and pasted it below. http://blogs.yogajournal.com/enlightenedmotherhood/
November 14, 2011
by Jessica Berger Gross
In my ideal world, every word that passes from my lips to my husband’s ears would have to do with deep things, meaningful things, pure things, sattvic things.
Why then, this morning did I come downstairs and start on my list of THINGS TO DISCUSS. Chores, bills, decisions, planning, paperwork, the laundry pile.
Why didn’t you?
None of this feels very yogic, or enlightened.
The problem is, I don’t know if I can stop. If I don’t continually run through the to do list, who will? (I have the great fortune to be married to a kind and good, handsome and gentle, brilliant man who also happens to be the very definition of an absent minded professor, at least when it comes to things around the house.)
That’s what my head says.
My heart says take a moment to become quiet and still. My heart says show my husband how much I love him, instead of how much I want from him. My heart says talk to Neil and explain why keeping the house clean and orderly makes me a happier, healthier person.
I remember–all of a sudden–how much Neil does. Every early morning with Lucien, all those bedtimes. The bills and his career and figuring out how to fix the broken kitchen cabinet. Reading to Lucien at dinner every night–and that’s after cooking us dinner.
My new intention is to find a way to keep our family moving forward–organized and oiled–without getting bogged down in the process. My shoulders fall into place down my back even thinking this way.
I can’t say I will stop reminding, remembering, nudging, but right here I set the intention to put my to do list second and my family first.